Daryl's Ideas and Witisisms
A few words of wisdom and "Tender Moments" from Daryl.
- Proofreading is more
effective after publication.
- When you move something to a
more logical place, you can only remember where it used to be and your
decision to move it. So don't move anything!
- Troublesome correspondence
that is postponed long enough will eventually become irrelevant.
- Whenever your tennis /
racquetball partner poaches on your side of the court shouting, "I
got it. I got it.", you can safely bet he doesn't.
- The less you have, the more
- The volume times the
frequency of the neighbor's dog's bark is inversely proportional to the
intelligence of its owner.
- Klobach's Rule :
People are more likely to
believe a quote when it is from Anonymous.
Madeline's Laws of the Switchboard:
- Everything sounds
romantic in French.
- Everything sounds like
an order in German.
- Everything sounds like
an argument in Italian.
You always find something in
the last place you looked for it. So start there next time.
A good slogan beats a good
Daryl's Collection of
"Worst Questions I've Ever Heard" :
- People who are away
from the office get the most calls.
- Callers are least
likely to believe someone is out of the office when the person actually
is out of the office.
- The most persistent
callers are the ones with the least important business.
- The phone will not
ring for the 1st 15 minutes of the day unless you are late. If you are
late, it will ring continuously until you arrive.
If you need 4 screws for a
job, the 1st 3 are easy to find.
The average man is always a
little below average. The average man is always better than you.
I'd rather have a bottle in
front of me than a frontal lobotomy. -WC Fields, circa 1950
The only time parents are
willing to accept their children as just average is at the moment of
If a statement begins with
"as a matter of fact...", whatever follows is most likely a
If you can't put it back down
quietly, don't pick it up.
Why is it that when a teacher
says, "That's a good question!", he never has a good answer?
The shortest distance between
two points is under construction.
The smallest hole will
eventually empty the largest container, unless it is made intentionally
for drainage, in which case it will clog.
In approaching an entrance
that has 2 doors, you will
- Can I ask you a
question? Ya just did, Bunky!
- Where did you lose it? Well, let's see...
- You asleep? I was till you woke me with that STUPID QUESTION!
The longer the cruise, the
older the passengers.
Turning the other cheek
merely insures two bruised cheeks.
The seafood is always fresh -
even in Kansas.
- Always enter the
- Always push when you
should pull, or verse visa.
- Always, even when the
door says 'push' or 'pull', do the opposite 90% of the time.
MORE Witisisms (or 1/2-witisisms...)
- We don't know one millionth of one percent about
- The 1st myth of management is that it exists.
- All's well that ends.
- Tell a man there are 500 BILLION stars in the galaxy
and he will believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he'll have to touch
it to be sure.
- An expert is one who knows more and more about less and
less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
- Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.
- After all is said and done, a heckuva lot more is said
- If mathematically, you end up with the incorrect
answer, try multiplying by the square root of the page number.
- Any simple theory will be worded in the most
- Anything dropped will roll into the one inaccessible
- If a Physics experiment works, something has gone wrong.
- The only perfect science is hindsight.
- Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch what
- If you just can't understand it, it is probably intuitively obvious
to the most casual observer.
- Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of
pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will
do as it damn well pleases.
- Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong
conclusion with confidence.
- You can never tell which way the train went by looking
at the tracks.
Dakota Indian tribal wisdom
Dakota Indian tribal wisdom says that "when you discover you are
riding a dead horse... The best strategy is to dismount." However...
In the education world... We NEVER seem to get it...!!! Smarter Strategies
---(i.e. What's wrong with Education in America?)
- Buy a bigger and stronger
- Changing riders.
- We are not stupid...
"There is obviously a better way to ride this horse..."
- Appoint a committee to study
- Arrange to visit other
schools, to see how they ride dead horses.
- Increase the standards
required for riding dead horses.
- Appoint a special team to
revive the dead horse.
- Create a training session to
increase our dead horse riding ability.
- Study the "state of dead
horses" in today's environment.
- Change the requirements...
declaring that "This horse is not dead."
- Hire more Administrators to
repair the dead horse.
- Harness several dead horses
together, for increased speed.
- Declare that "No horse
is too dead to beat."
- Provide additional funding to
increase the dead horse's performance.
- Do a CA Study to see if
outside contractors can ride it cheaper.
- Purchase a product to make
dead horses run faster.
- Declare the horse is...
"better, faster, and cheaper," when dead.
- Form a quality circle to find
other uses for dead horses.
- Re-analyze the performance
requirements for all dead horses. -- And Finally --
- As a Last Resort... Promote
the dead horse... To a Superintendent's Position...
(No offense meant to any past and/or present Administrators
I have worked under/for/with...)