Daryl's Ideas and Witisisms
A few words of wisdom and "Tender Moments" from Daryl.
- Proofreading is more
effective after publication.
- When you move something to a
more logical place, you can only remember where it used to be and your
decision to move it. So don't move anything!
- Troublesome correspondence
that is postponed long enough will eventually become irrelevant.
- Whenever your tennis /
racquetball partner poaches on your side of the court shouting, "I
got it. I got it.", you can safely bet he doesn't.
- The less you have, the more
you spill.
- The volume times the
frequency of the neighbor's dog's bark is inversely proportional to the
intelligence of its owner.
- Klobach's Rule :
- Everything sounds
romantic in French.
- Everything sounds like
an order in German.
- Everything sounds like
an argument in Italian.
- People are more likely to
believe a quote when it is from Anonymous.
- Madeline's Laws of the Switchboard:
- People who are away
from the office get the most calls.
- Callers are least
likely to believe someone is out of the office when the person actually
is out of the office.
- The most persistent
callers are the ones with the least important business.
- The phone will not
ring for the 1st 15 minutes of the day unless you are late. If you are
late, it will ring continuously until you arrive.
- You always find something in
the last place you looked for it. So start there next time.
- A good slogan beats a good
solution.
- Daryl's Collection of
"Worst Questions I've Ever Heard" :
- Can I ask you a
question? Ya just did, Bunky!
- Where did you lose it? Well, let's see...
- You asleep? I was till you woke me with that STUPID QUESTION!
- If you need 4 screws for a
job, the 1st 3 are easy to find.
- The average man is always a
little below average. The average man is always better than you.
- I'd rather have a bottle in
front of me than a frontal lobotomy. -WC Fields, circa 1950
- The only time parents are
willing to accept their children as just average is at the moment of
birth.
- If a statement begins with
"as a matter of fact...", whatever follows is most likely a
downright lie.
- If you can't put it back down
quietly, don't pick it up.
- Why is it that when a teacher
says, "That's a good question!", he never has a good answer?
- The shortest distance between
two points is under construction.
- The smallest hole will
eventually empty the largest container, unless it is made intentionally
for drainage, in which case it will clog.
- In approaching an entrance
that has 2 doors, you will
- Always enter the
locked side.
- Always push when you
should pull, or verse visa.
- Always, even when the
door says 'push' or 'pull', do the opposite 90% of the time.
- The longer the cruise, the
older the passengers.
- Turning the other cheek
merely insures two bruised cheeks.
- The seafood is always fresh -
even in Kansas.
MORE Witisisms (or 1/2-witisisms...)
- We don't know one millionth of one percent about
anything.
- The 1st myth of management is that it exists.
- All's well that ends.
- Tell a man there are 500 BILLION stars in the galaxy
and he will believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he'll have to touch
it to be sure.
- An expert is one who knows more and more about less and
less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
- Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.
- After all is said and done, a heckuva lot more is said
than done.
- If mathematically, you end up with the incorrect
answer, try multiplying by the square root of the page number.
- Any simple theory will be worded in the most
complicated way.
- Anything dropped will roll into the one inaccessible
corner.
- If a Physics experiment works, something has gone wrong.
- The only perfect science is hindsight.
- Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch what
itches.
- If you just can't understand it, it is probably intuitively obvious
to the most casual observer.
- Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of
pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will
do as it damn well pleases.
- Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong
conclusion with confidence.
- You can never tell which way the train went by looking
at the tracks.
Dakota Indian tribal wisdom
Dakota Indian tribal wisdom says that "when you discover you are
riding a dead horse... The best strategy is to dismount." However...
In the education world... We NEVER seem to get it...!!! Smarter Strategies
---(i.e. What's wrong with Education in America?)
- Buy a bigger and stronger
whip.
- Changing riders.
- We are not stupid...
"There is obviously a better way to ride this horse..."
- Appoint a committee to study
the horse.
- Arrange to visit other
schools, to see how they ride dead horses.
- Increase the standards
required for riding dead horses.
- Appoint a special team to
revive the dead horse.
- Create a training session to
increase our dead horse riding ability.
- Study the "state of dead
horses" in today's environment.
- Change the requirements...
declaring that "This horse is not dead."
- Hire more Administrators to
repair the dead horse.
- Harness several dead horses
together, for increased speed.
- Declare that "No horse
is too dead to beat."
- Provide additional funding to
increase the dead horse's performance.
- Do a CA Study to see if
outside contractors can ride it cheaper.
- Purchase a product to make
dead horses run faster.
- Declare the horse is...
"better, faster, and cheaper," when dead.
- Form a quality circle to find
other uses for dead horses.
- Re-analyze the performance
requirements for all dead horses. -- And Finally --
- As a Last Resort... Promote
the dead horse... To a Superintendent's Position...
(No offense meant to any past and/or present Administrators
I have worked under/for/with...)